1. When you sit down with an interviewer who is holding a dog-eared, pages-folded-down copy of your book with things underlined -- meaning she may not have read it, but SOMEONE did -- that means you are going to have a good time, be made to look good, and be treated well.

2. You can't hold your breath as long as you might think, especially while nervous, especially while being sprayed with airbrush-style makeup and then blown dry with a fan waved in front of your face. (Evan: "That was like being David Blaine. Except I didn't even know I was going under.")

3. I can now run a microphone under my shirt in about two seconds.

4. There is apparently some kind of massive secret deal under which all green rooms have coffee from Au Bon Pain. I... don't know.

5. Watch out for coverage of chihuahua races, which take up a surprising amount of time that could otherwise be spent asking probing questions about new books.

6. All NBC guests really DO stay at the Essex House, just like it always says.

7. At the Essex House, it can take three requests, one hour, and a walk down to the front desk to actually obtain a room-service menu. Well, a room-service menu not consisting solely of liquor and things not available until 10:00 PM.

8. Unbelievably awesome room-service lasagna will make up for a lot of sins in the general realm of mediocre service.

9. Whatever direction I am inclined to turn when I walk out of a building in Manhattan, I should turn the other direction, except that if I actually turn in the other direction, it will turn out that I should have turned in the direction I was inclined to turn in initially. THIS WORKS EVERY TIME.

10. The universe is kept nicely in balance, in that if there is no car at the airport to pick up one member of a two-person writing team upon his (ahem) arrival, there will be two cars at the airport to pick up the other member of the two-person writing team upon her (ahem) arrival.

11. The Affinia Manhattan, operated by the same lovely people who run the terrific Shelburne Murray Hill, is a spectacularly good place to stay, provided you don't mind the almost unbelievably tiny bathroom (which I didn't). It was cheaper than many other options on this particular weekend for some reason, despite being a suite hotel where I had a kitchen, an enormous room, in-room coffee (go, in-room coffee instead of ungodly expensive mini-bar!), the world's most comfortable bed, a choice of three pillows (buckwheat hulls, hypo-allergenic, and Swedish Memory), access to the nicest staff ever, and a vending machine downstairs that sold ice-cream sandwiches. The Affinia Manhattan. A-F-F-I-N-I-A M-A-N-H-A-T-T-A-N. Seriously.

12. One good reason to have a writing partner is that he can make lighthearted remarks that keep you out of mid-interview fistfights.

13. Do not wear a 100% cotton shirt on TV. Do not wear a 100% cotton shirt on TV. Do not wear a 100% cotton shirt on TV. Well, not unless you have a personal assistant who can follow you around all day long blow-drying your armpits. Which I don't.

14. There is still a place in the world for black liquid eyeliner, and that place is in a TV studio.

15. It is possible for me to have a good time in New York, even if there is never an entire day that I can spend in a hotel room watching courtroom TV shows.

16. If you go to NBC and get a tour from a page named Tanya, she is the coolest girl ever, and works as an all-around ass-kicking troubleshooter on weekends.

17. If you are on TV three times, the one that would me the most awkward for your grandfather to watch will be the one your grandfather will watch.

18. The thing to do when you see two guys sit in front of you on a plane, one of whom has slicked-back hair, white linen pants, and a pirate shirt, is to move away as quickly as possible, because those guys are not going to get any better once the plane takes off.

19. Watch the host carefully. Fast nodding is host for "your answer is over now."

20. I am a person who is blessed when someone else takes care of a lot of logistics, because that is not my particular skill set. Like, at all.