So you have undoubtedly heard all about the guy who got the crap hassled out of him about canceling his AOL account, right? And you would think that the people in charge of doing cancellations would have been told to watch their asses, at least for a while, wouldn't you?

It will probably come as a surprise to most people who know me that I have actually had an AOL account for quite a while. Not a whole one -- just the one to let you on if you already have your own ISP and so forth. For a while, when I was working more at trying to think about what kind of freelancing I wanted to do, I was sort of consuming all entertainment content everywhere, and I got the lamebrained idea that I wanted an AOL account, and I never used it, and today, I finally got around to canceling it. Not that they didn't, exactly as the guy in the now-famous story says, as well as in some other ways, try to make it more difficult. I find it hilarious that they canned the guy who did it to the famous blogger, because that particular guy was more than obviously just doing what he was supposed to do, based on what I experienced.

First, I waited on hold for ten minutes. Yes, you have to wait ten minutes to talk to someone about canceling your account. During which, obviously, if something else comes up, you will just have to keep paying until you can wait another ten minutes.

By the time I got a person on the phone, the automated lady's voice had already put me through identifying my account and verifying my identity with my security question. Nevertheless, when I got on the phone with Robert, the first thing I had to do was spend an inordinate amount of time verifying who I was. Not really sure why the lady's automated voice did it, unless it was to keep me on the line longer and make the process more difficult. You don't think it could be THAT, do you?

Of course, Robert wanted to know why I wanted to cancel. "I don't want it anymore," I replied. "Uh-huh," he said. "Now, I see you connect at high speed. Did you know that we have a program where you can blah blah blah." "I really don't want it anymore," I said. "I'm asking you to cancel it."

Robert: "Was there something wrong with the service?"

This is when I start to get pissed. Dude. I don't have to tell you why I'm canceling. So I tell him basically that. "I don't want to sit here and have a conversation about it," I tell him. "I just want to cancel it."

"Well," he says, "I realize it's not convenient for you, but we use this information."

This pissed me off fiercely. Because some people who you get on the phone are going to think this means they are somehow obligated to cooperate with this process, which you're obviously not. And I told him that. "I don't think I'm required to explain it. I simply don't want it anymore. I want to cancel it."

And then he pauses. "You have to help me out here, I have this whole checklist that I have to go through, I mean, as far as why you're canceling."

"Well," I tell him, "it's now partly this experience. This is horrible customer service. I want it canceled, and I don't want to stand around and talk about it."

There is another pause. And then, with all the sarcasm he can muster, he says, "Thanks for sharing that information with me."

He continues to stall. "Can you just -- I can't even... you have to give me one reason why you want to cancel."

I speak slowly but clearly. "Terrible customer service on the phone," I say. "You can put that."

My blood begins to boil. And then he says, "Okay, I'm going to set you up so that you can keep it for free for a while, so you can ensure the security of your computer."

"What are you talking about?" I ask him.

"Well," he says, "we have a safety and security package through AOL, which means your computer is probably getting its security through us, so before you cancel, you should make arrangements, because otherwise, once you cancel, your computer will be totally unprotected. And you have high speed, which is the most dangerous."

So now, we have entered the land of the outright scam, where they try to scare the uninitiated into thinking that canceling their AOL accounts will subject their computers to viruses and other attacks. Which... he knows I don't get my internet through them, so why would my security be through them? In other words, this is bullshit, and what's more, he knows it's bullshit as he says it. And I know exactly what he has in mind. He wants to say that I can have, say, a free month to look into "security," and then I can call back and cancel. Which they're hoping I won't get around to doing. So I tell him, "I want to cancel it. I don't have my security through AOL; my computer is fine. I want to cancel it now. I don't want to extend the time for free; I don't want anything. I want to cancel it, and I want to cancel it right now."

"You know," he says, "I could get you on a plan that would be cheaper."

"No."

"It would be as low as five dollars a month."

"No."

Finally -- finally -- he agrees to cancel the account. And then, before he shoots me over to the recording that they make you sit through, in which they bore you with the details of how you can reactivate your account, knowing that you have to listen in case there's another confirmation you have to do at the end or something, he asks me whether I would be willing to complete a survey.

I should have said yes, of course, and filled it out to say that he sucked, but I don't. I get off the phone, after duly listening to my recorded message.

But consider the official AOL line after the blogger's story came out, and consider how many times they've said that customer service people are not supposed to make it hard to cancel. I, personally, am having a slightly difficult time believing it.