 |
 |
 |
 |
So after the party I was at Tuesday night, from which I got home at 3:00 AM, I went to an 8:00 AM event at Sephora (yay, Sephora!), where I got a facial and then a guy did my makeup.
Now, you have to understand, I normally am not an expensive-makeup person. And when a guy starts to put expensive makeup on me, I'm normally like, "Whatever, dude, it's not going to make very much difference."
However, being delicate of ego after last week's TV appearance fiasco during which I looked like Casper the Friendly Droopy-Eyed Ghost, I was in the mood to be pampered. Plus, I had a hundred bucks in gift cards to spend. (Long story.)
Just as I did with Rafael and the nail kit so long ago (although this guy was of the excitable-makeup-artist variety, rather than that hot variety), I totally let myself be taken and bought a whole load of the stuff he used on me. Because seriously? LOVED. Loved, loved, loved. It's all Cargo stuff. Go, Canadians!
I have this in Jupiter. I have this in Tonga (beautiful). Most shockingly, I have this in Light. Bronzer? For Casper? He explained that it's not supposed to make me look tan. And it doesn't. Anyway, then there's this in 2, this in Arizona (LOVE!), and this in Baj Baj.
Do not add up the money I spent.
But seriously? I think I may recover from CasperGhostTVGate. That's how much I lurved the Cargo.
Hey, admire me. I didn't let him sell me the brushes.
Okay, I love pretty much everything they have at Sephora, but something about this stuff -- and particularly the customer review of it -- makes me just a leeettle bit nervous.
I love Amazing Grace, though. It smells divine. And if you like your lips good and mushy, you need a tub of Kiss Me Red. There is also Kiss Me Not-So-Much-Red, which is what I wear when the winter beats the crap out of me.
This, of course, is on the wish list no matter what, because . . . come on. Margarita shampoo? I think we know I must have that.
Ah, Philosophy.
Avoid Lip Venom. I was given a tube as a gift (free cosmetic swag--there are few things better) and threw it away.
I reviewed it with a bunch of other products a while back here.
In a word, scary.
DuWop has another product, though, that looks both clever and more likely: Hands 2 Hair, which is a hair grooming product that doubles as hand cream.
As long as you're shopping, buy me some duck slippers.
Fat chance. What have you done lately to deserve giftage? Hmph.
My witty banter brightens your day.
Well now that's the first thing you've said with which I completely agree.
Aww, you're too nice, given my concerted effort to become MEotW.
Well, I blame you. You were too nice to me first.
It makes your lips swell? That's so scary.
Although I do like Burt's Bees balm because it's kind of tingly. But not swell-inducing tingly.
Did you read the review for the Kiss Me Red? Guess you don't like you lips, huh?
Heh. I don't lick my lips excessively, but I don't find the taste of Kiss Me Red unpleasant, either.
I have to rebut the advice above to ditch the Lip Venom. I know of a few females who use it and I have to say I find it incredibly attractive on their lips. Makes them look sparkly and fuller and shinier. Okay, I need to go take a cold shower.
And the fact that the "fuller" lips come from irritation -- a minor manifestation of the same painful swelling you'd get from, like, being punched -- doesn't give you the creeps? I mean, if you really want to see a woman with prominent lips, you could always just encourage her to take up boxing.
I just think it's weird. I mean, eyebrow plucking is painful enough, and I recently bought a nifty-looking differently-styled eyelash curler that it turns out I can't actually use, because it POKES ME IN THE EYE. (Yes, I know the concept of curling your eyelashes makes jaws drop in some circles, but trust me, it's at least as good as eyeliner.) (Speaking of ways to poke myself in the eye.)
And have I mentioned pantyhose?
Man, I should have just written a whole entry on suffering for beauty.
That was an awfully chipper review of some really scary-sounding side effects. "Be careful, if you slather on an excessive amount, it becomes almost too painful to speak. Otherwise, it's very nice!"
Very nice!
I like Lip Venom, and I am a woman who puts it on her lips.
I like how it feels. I haven't noticed particularly that it actually makes my lips swell. It just feels good. And it smells great. On the other hand, if it hurt me, I would never wear it.
Oh, and it's a good idea to wash it off before kissing someone, since most people emphatically don't like the tingling feeling.
I like how Linda will shave her legs, wear pantyhose, buy nail-shining kits, pluck, burn, curl and primp, all in the name of beauty (though she's no doubt naturally got it all), yet putting on lip venom is WHERE SHE DRAWS THE LINE! Got that, men of Minnesota? She will not be a slave to girliness! Those other things? Oh, well.. yeah, okay, but NOT lip venom!
Good to see you put you take a stand, Norma Rae.
;-)
Wait, why is my refusal to wear Lip Venom aimed at men? In my experience, the men who dig me do not expect me to wear Lip Venom. The ones who do not are not going to change their opinions of me based on anything as fleeting as that. I don't blame men for Lip Venom OR pantyhose OR the fact that I curl my eyelashes. I pretty much curl and primp whatever I want, and I don't want to wear Lip Venom because it sounds like it would hurt. I'm not, like, fighting the patriarchy.
Well, not to rattle the cage, but you made a joke about writing about suffering for beauty in the same post about not using Lip Venom because it might make your lips puffy or painful (which I'd never heard until today). Yet, risking curler burns, eye-pokings, and cuts on your stems from razors are acceptable prices to pay. I just found it amusing.
As for "doing it for men," I guess you got that from my "attn, men of Minnesota" line which really wasn't meant to imply that you only look nice so men like Raphael will scoop you up and take you home as a plaything. While I don't know you personally, I can tell that you're not like that.
Clearly, this whole debate is one of those that manifests because of a lack of desire to do real work. Which I, sadly, have plenty to do.
Oh, I'm not mad. I was just saying, I'm not trying to be all social-activist. I just don't want pouty lips that much.
And . . . curler burns? You know eyelash curlers aren't heated, right?
The margarita scent must be a new big thing - I didn't know Philosophy had it. A friend of mine who has her own beauty product business said that she's selling a lot of margarita-scented stuff right now. Maybe because it's summer and we'd like to smell like margaritas when we can't be drinking them?
I just love, "After applying one coat of the gloss, my lips began to swell noticeably" ...and that's a good thing?
I just love Sephona, I'm addicted to it. I just got the Philosophy Margarita yesterday - its part of the 3 Cocktail set.
>>And . . . curler burns? You know eyelash curlers aren't heated, right?
Given that (dammit, PoolBoy) I don't curl my manly eyelashes very often, I guess I never thought about it. I was thinking about "curlers" being the kind of curler my sister used to leave plugged in next to the sink in our bathroom growing up.
Regardless, much like many women in my life, you chose to focus on my mistake ("curler burns") rather than my accurate comment ("eye-pokings"). As old people say, that's neither here nor there. Cheers.
Okay, I just wanted to make sure I hadn't left the impression that I was curling my eyelashes with anything hot, because that would be scary. But indeed, yes, eye-poking is certainly correct, and I have done it many times. Ow. Stupid eyelash curler.
I need to point out that there ARE heated eyelash curlers, for those brave, foolhardy or desperate enough to go here
or here at Sephora.
OWWWWW on the heated eyelash curler!! Heats to 99 degrees and they don't consider that "excessive" heat????? Just OW.
My best friend SWEARS by the lip venom. She says it's one of those "hurts but it's worth it" kind of things.
Now that we've spent a couple of weeks on basketball, now we're going to talk about my nails.
Specifically, we're going to talk about this nail kit. About two weeks ago, I'm taking a stroll through the Mall of America (as you do), and I walk by one of the little kiosks, where an ungodly hot man calls out to me. I know what you're saying -- "Hey, I've had that dream." But in your dream, does he say, "Excuse me, do you have natural nails?" Because this one does.
Now, normally, I smile politely at the MOA Kiosk People and move along, as they are always trying to spray you with something or smear something on your hands or something of that sort. However, Rafael gets my attention. It is possible that it's because he asks me a question other than, "Would you like to try whatever I am hawking today?", or that it's because I do, in fact, have natural nails, and always like it when people give me extra points for it. But probably, it is because Rafael is . . . did I mention ungodly hot? Yeah. Anyway, he is, in that Latino Manicurist of Ambiguous Sexuality kind of way, and I swear, he smells better than any man I have ever met.
So I answer, in my Wary and Coquettish Consumer Girl Who Is Not Fooled By Your Games, You Wily Salesman kind of way, "Yes." He calls me over to his little countertop, where he says, "Okay, let me seeee them." And he takes my hands and looks them over. "They're kind of awful," I say apologetically, because it's not like you can say, "They seem okay to me." "Let's take theeee worst one," he says, picking out my left thumbnail, which I'm not sure is any worse than the other ones, but which is probably the easiest for Rafael to get to. He holds up this little block -- it's this thing -- and he says, "Okay, we are going to start weeeth the black side. We do five seconds." And he buffs my thumbnail for a few seconds, which is about when I start thinking about what a dweeb I am for letting this guy buff my thumbnail in the Mall of America just because he smells so good.
When he's done with the five seconds, the nail looks kind of dull and smooth, sort of like it's been hit with light sandpaper -- which, essentially, it has. "And now, we do theee white side." Buffbuffbuffbuffbuff. And I'm looking at the nail, and I'm thinking, "I've buffed my nails before with a $2.59 gizmo from Walgreens, and they looked snazzier than that." But of course, I don't say this to Rafael, because you don't want to be rude. "And now, weee do theee gray side," he said. "Eeet's made of seeelk." SILK? Oh, SURE it is. Somewhere around this point, all of my healthy Shut Up, People Trying To Sell Me Things instincts are beginning to kick in, and I am thinking, "You know, I can see how old ladies get all of their money stolen from them."
And the whole time he's buffing my nails, of course, he's asking me stuff -- mostly so I don't notice that it's more like ten seconds each time rather than five, as if I have five seconds per nail to spare and if I know I have to spend ten, I will never buy. He asks me whether I live around here, he asks me my name, that sort of thing.
While Rafael works on the fingernail with the climactic gray side, he leaves my nail covered up with his hand, and when he's done with that, he pauses. "Okay, Leenda, now I am going to show you what eeet looks like, okay?" he says. "Okay," I say, all dubious. "Now when I show eeet to you, you have to promise not to scream. Do you promise not to scream?" This, against my better judgment, sort of makes me laugh. I promise him I will not scream. "Okay, Leenda, now we look at your nail!"
And he moves his hand, and I bust out laughing. Loudly (I have no other laugh, unfortunately). Because my thumbnail not only looks like it is covered with clear nail polish, it looks like it is covered with wet clear nail polish. "You like eet?" Rafael asks me. "Oh, it's very impressive," I say. Now he picks up a little bottle that he informs me is cuticle oil, and he massages it into the bottom of the nail. "Now, we do theees, and it make the cuticle very nice -- you know how you have that dryness around the cuticle?" (My brain: "Um, okay.") "Well, now you don't have that anymore."
To my credit, when he tells me how much it is, quoting a price a little higher than the one on the link at the top of this entry, I tell him no. Go me! And also to my credit, my eyes roll back in my head so far they almost fell onto the floor right there in front of Games By James or whatever when he tells me that because I'm local and he really wants me to have it, he'll take ten bucks off the price. I mean, come on, Rafael. I was born no later than . . . well, the day before yesterday, anyway. He even motions at the guy working the other side of the kiosk and said, "I can take eeet out of heees commeeeesion for today."
I think you know the nail kit came home with me. And I have never quite been able to achieve quite the glorious shininess that Rafael did. (Perhaps I need tutoring. Mm, tutoring.) But it is very nice, and much better than polish. As Rafael pointed out, it doesn't scratch, it doesn't peel, and it's very durable. He was sure to tell me that it would survive anything and stay shiny for weeks, which is kind of true. He was all, "You can put your hands in theee dirt, you can do the deeeshes, you can do anything, it will stay nice." One of my friends at work helpfully pointed out, "So this will be great for all of those times when you have to tunnel in the sand with your bare hands."
So now I have these very smooth, shiny fingernails. And more importantly, I have my memories of Rafael. Honestly, in a situation like that, I am not entirely unwilling to just kind of pay for the show, you know? Rafael works hard for the money. I mean, come on, "Do you promise not to scream?" That's funny stuff.
Holy crap. Rafael was at my mall around Christmas. Not only did one nail kit mysteriously hitch a ride home with me, against all protestations, but it brought along a friend. You know, for a friend. I am so ashamed.
I am so glad you are bringing this out into the open. More and more women I talk to carry this secret shame -- the shame of being taken in by the hot "European" guy and the shiny shiny nails. The more we talk about it in the open, the more we can overcome the stigma, I think.
Yep, that happened to me too, only my Rafael was Israeli and spoke Hebrew to me. And yes, I bought it. And no, I've never used it again.
My Mom bought me one of those (and one for her, and one for my sister). I use it a LOT. And it works much better than nail polish (at least for me) because I tend to chew any polish off my fingernails (which is why I only paint my toenails).
As for the final buffing, I find it works a lot better if you use a light touch, instead of grinding the gray side into the face of the nail.
And that is the biggest amount of beauty tips you will likely ever get from me. Sheesh.
Same guy at my mall. I was AMAZED. Seriously - how does it do that? But I didnt buy it b/c in general, my nails are horrid, so why bother. But had he been hot? I would have bought one. And had he smelled nice? I would have bought two. I'm predictable like that.
It's embarrassing. I am weak. Look at me the right way, and I'm all about the Knees of Jell-O. But at least I got shiny nails out of the deal, which is more than I usually wind up with.
Yes, that's true -- because you usually end up with a TV boyfriend who kisses you at most once or twice a year. Which is hardly worth the public humiliation of being called out for being so weak.
Kiss-kiss
In most cases, it's not even that often. Indeed, I am put-upon.
I met the same guy, too, but he was hawking fireplaces...Sadly, I think there are few stations in life lower than fireplace salesmen...I mean, who really needs to have a fireplace sold to them?
...
Never shop the MOA alone. Its dangerous. If you bring a friend, they can help you in scary kiosk situations.
However, I too fell in love with Mr. Mysterious and have the same nail kit. I love it.
Apparently, Rafael has cut quite a swath through the women of the Twin Cities and our shiny, shiny fingernails. He deserves it, if only for smelling so good.
. . . , hee.
I was once accosted by a nail buffer not nearly so hot as Rafael at a mall in LA - a couple of hours after I'd got off a 14 hour international flight. It was only in my jet lagged zombie state that he was able to get hold of my nails to start buffing.
And yes, the kit came home with me - all the way to Australia - and no, I never used it again. Did like my shiny thumb nail for as long as it lasted though.
I got the same kit from a pretty kiosk lady at that other big mall, the Canadian one. I used it for a while, but then stopped for some reason. (perhaps because buffing is boring). It truly is amazing, however.
I had a similar guy try to high-pressure sell me the same nail kit at the local mall earlier tonight. I was Googling in hopes of finding out more about this stuff, and it amused the hell out of me to discover that someone else had had a similar experience, right down to the hushed promises of dropping someone's commission to further decrease the price!
I didn't wind up buying the kit (I BS'ed something along the lines of "I might come back later"), and I'm glad I didn't because I don't think it would have done me much good. My nail did look amazingly wet and shiny right after it had been oiled, but it didn't take very long for that to wear off, and he buffed the end of the nail too much, which made it ratty. It's good to hear that the kit seems to be working for you. ^_^
Wow...these guys are everywhere. I was sucked into the force while trying to make it past the cart to get to Starbucks in the Bay Street Mall (in Emeryville, California near San Francisco). He sucked me in and I was trying to resist but I couldn't stop listening to his accent. He went through the exact same lines as Rafael did. And I went through all the same thoughts as in the story above..including "I cannot believe I am being sucked into this". The amazement came when I saw how shiny my nail really was. He even spouted off some cheesy line about how they had received complaints from the movie theatre across the way from regarding the glare coming from some women's nails. He made me promise to keep my hands in my pockets at the mall. I did manage to walk away with the excuse of forgetting my wallet at work and the promise to return later. For which he promised I could receive 2 kits for the $39.99 he had earlier quoted for one kit. Still amazed with the buffer I decided to see what this kit was really about and if it was available online for less...which is how I found this page. I felt much better to see that I was not the only one. ;)
What? is she serious? Does it actually make your lips swell? Ooookkkaayyy.
Margarita Shampoo is brilliant.