On my first day at my new job (yesterday), my boss and a news reporter invited me out for lunch at a nearby Italian restaurant. Fortunately, they had plenty of things on the menu that didn't have cheese on it or had mozzarella, thank god. I had an italian sausage and pepper sub. I explained my weird cheese aversion to the reporter, who laughed.

And let us not forget the alarmingly similar fragrance that brie possesses to sperm (well, semen technically). I know I am not the only one who has noticed this. Even if the smell of sperm is something one happens to be particularly fond of, eating a warm, gooey chunk of it that has been encased in some sort of bread concoction is a bit much to handle. Well, at least in my view anyway. Some people really seem to enjoy the experience. I guess I'm just a cheese prude.

I want to know why every genre of restaurant including Mexican, Chinese, Japanese - you name it - feel that they HAVE to smother my food with this disgusting fare. I actually upchucked when my brother ate Crazy Bread in front of me. I hate Parmesan cheese and see no reason for it in the world. Please e-mail me if you are suffering from the same concerns. If we work together, we can eliminate this nuisance and improve our quality of life.